Season of Plenty.

Liza Minnelli, 1948

Marilyn Monroe, 1958

Sigourney Weaver, 1983

Sofia Loren, 1954

Nothing says Thanksgiving like beautiful women stuffing their faces. 

Wishing you and yours a plentiful, tasty, health and happy holiday!

Sorry.

Do you say "I'm sorry" a lot? I never thought of myself as an overly apologetic person, but when I watched the commercial above it made me realize that I am TOTALLY guilty of saying "sorry" way too often. (sorry!?) I say sorry when what I really should be saying is "excuse me", when I share an idea or thought that I (inexplicably) lack confidence in and even when I'm asking others to do something that is their job to do! I don't know why I feel guilty or apologetic so often, but saying sorry for things I have no reason to be sorry for is definitely something I (and I've noticed many other females in my life) do on a daily basis.

Now I'm not sure how I feel about marketers and brands using female empowerment messages to hawk their products (another FABULOUS example from Always HERE), but this commercial really made me think and it has already impacted my behavior... Though I'm not planning to adopt "sorry, not sorry" as my new mantra, I am making a concerted effort to only apologize when I have something to be sorry about (and for what it's worth, I'm definitely now slightly more inclined to purchase a Pantene product if all other factors are the same - marketing WIN.)  What say you ladies? (and it better not be "sorry"!)

Let's all pause for a moment...

... and talk about Beyonce. Because seriously guys, we need to talk about Beyonce. On Friday night I was lucky enough to attend the Beyonce + Jay-Z On the Run Tour show at MetLife Stadium and Beyonce freakin BLEW.MY.MIND.

Here's the thing - we all know Beyonce is a Queen... we know she has a voice from the heavens and a body from the Gods (which she endearingly confesses to working like a madwoman to maintain), but seeing her live was a whole other situation. Because Beyonce is absolutely nailing it when it comes to being an age-appropriate, sexy as hell, hard hitting pop icon. Unlike her less vocally talented contemporaries (I still love you Britney) or the "can't leave what I wore in my 20s behind me" female artists (J. Lo and Mariah I'm lookin at you!) Beyonce looks and sounds hotter than ever as a married mother of 1. She exudes mature sexuality, she sings empowering lyrics and she somehow still moves around the stage with the energy of a teen Destiny's Child member. Beyonce's performance makes every woman in the audience believe in her own fierce, sexy, powerful self. There's nothing trashy or schticky, it's just Queen B bein Flawless and it is incredible to watch. So I bow down to you Mrs. Carter for making all us independent women look so damn good.

VPL.

"panty lines" hehe.

Ladies, this post is for you, because I've got to know... how much do you care about panty lines!? Visible panty lines, known in many circles as "VPL" (there's a Facebook group!) are something I've personally always taken quite seriously, because as someone with a rather large booty, the last thing I need is to be drawing lines around and through it for all the world to see. And for those who prefer not to take the easy out and just wear thongs (or for when even a thong is visible) countless brands make "no panty lines" a selling point, from everyday wear companies like Jockey to higher end lines like Hanky Panky... avoiding the dreaded VPL is apparently a priority for a great many women.

But there is a small camp of women (or maybe it isn't small? are you out there ladies!?) who say to hell with caring about their panty lines and aspire for comfort above all else. A few weeks back, when I was woefully behind on laundry, I thought I too could be a woman who said "F it, I'm wearing panties and who cares what you can see!" until I walked past a mirror and noticed the clear definition of my butt... and an overflow of "side butt" in my reflection. It was not pretty... In that moment, I decided that I am officially a woman who cares (a lot!) about panty lines, so whether it's butt floss, designer skivvies or good old commando, this chick is not interested in anything that even vaguely resembles THIS. What about you!?

Who run the world!? (#BanBossy)

 

Have you ever heard someone call a little boy bossy? What about a male colleague or friend? I never thought much about this until reading (the awesome) Sheryl Sandberg's book, Lean In (READ it!), but when she talked about this interesting social "habit" of labeling outspoken girls who exhibit leadership skills as bossy, it really struck a chord with me. You see, I was definitely a "bossy" little girl (shocking I know!) but in hind site, I was probably just louder than many other kids, always willing to volunteer my ideas, plans or take the lead. These are all valuable life skills that immediately take on a negative connotation when the person who possesses them is described as "bossy."

Well this morning, I was pumped when my Facebook feed was filled with people sharing the #BanBossy campaign website (yay social media!). BanBossy.com is a partnership between LeanIn.org and the Girls Scouts of America which serves not only as a platform to raise awareness about our cultural use of the word "bossy", but also hard facts about the impact it has on young girls as well as leadership resources for women, parents, teachers, managers and troop leaders (aka, everyone).

Did you know:

- Girls are twice as likely as boys to worry that leadership roles will make them seem "bossy"

- Both boys and girls believe it's easier for men to become leaders

- Women make up just 19% of US Congress, 5% of Fortune 1,000 CEOs and 17% of corporate boards

I cannot tell you how much I take this campaign to heart. Even though my "bossy girl" fears may not show on the outside, on the inside I'm often riddled with self-consciousness, worried I am "too in charge" or make too many suggestions or plans in group situations. Well bossy girl no more!!!! Today is the day I work harder to put my own insecurities to rest and champion this campaign to help all the little ladies in my life. Because, to quote my "run the world" sassy female idol Beyonce, "I'm not bossy, I'm the boss"* 

To visit Ban Bossy, click HERE.

To listen to Sheryl Sandberg talk about why "bossy" should be banned, click HERE.

And for one more great article on this campaign, HERE.

*bow down bitches.

Hump Day Distractions

I think that's fair.

Can I get a HUMP DAYYYY!!?? Man oh man am I excited to be hitting the halfway mark on this week. I'm like a freakin bulldozer right now - get outta my way Thursday and Friday, I'm comin for ya weekend! Here to make the middle a little more enjoyable are some delightful distractions for your buying, reading, eating, laughing pleasure. Enjoy!!

* What a fabulous idea for a lil kiddo's birthday gift or just a delightful surprise in the mail! (plus a coupon code!)

* I find these images hysterical (man I love creative people) (via CupofJo)

* "I want the strongest, happiest, smartest women in my corner, pushing me to negotiate for more money, telling me to drop men who make me feel bad about myself, and responding to my outfit selfies from a place of love and stylishness, not competition and body-snarking."

* (Buttered Spaghetti) x (Awesome) = YUM.

* Because everyone should know how to draw an adorable turtle.

* Did you mean:

* Pa-"jah"-mas or Pa-"jam"-as? Do you say merry/marry/mary differently? Depends on where you live.

* I cannot think of a more thoughtful, adorable, personalized, lovely gift for a lady in your life.

* The pen is mightier than the pigs. Fact.

* Pie charts that will make you smile. (via CupofJo)

Thinking Out loud

Baby love.

Recently I've been having conversations with fellow ambitious young women, all of whom are in the "years of the Baby Inquisition" and many of whom feel a desire to wait  a little longer before starting a family. The striking similarity in these conversations is a word that keeps coming up: selfish. "I want to be selfish for another year" or "I'm not done selfishly putting my own needs first". The word selfish is uttered with a pang of guilt or concern, like there's something wrong with feeling unprepared to jump on the baby train despite the ticking of biological clocks. (Even Destiny's Child isn't immune to feeling selfish!) So obviously this  got me thinking...

In a culture where women are finally being encouraged to chase their dreams, both personal and professional, in the same ways as men, it's no wonder that the uniquely female experience of pregnancy, followed by maternity leave and child-rearing is difficult for us lady folk to place. Is it really selfish to want to pursue your career goals without the additional responsibility of a child? Is it selfish to not want to share your husband's attention or affections, especially when many of today's women are getting married later in life than previous generations? These things feel pretty reasonable to me.

I often hear my generation's mothers and grandmothers speak wistfully about forgotten or never pursued careers and desires because of "the times". And while I have no life goal more important than my desire to raise healthy, happy children, as I read about "leaning in", "having it all" and "work/life balance", I find myself so confused and overwhelmed by problems and uncertainty that's it's hard not to yearn a bit for simpler times. This is not to say I want to go back to women in college getting their MRS. or women being shut out of certain career paths (hellllz no!) but our gender's social progress has created incredible competition between personal ambition and maternal instinct. With gender "norms" quickly becoming a thing of the past, I feel myself and other fabulous young ladies really struggling to avoid feeling guilty about whatever path we choose. 

I don't have answers to any of these questions, or even advice for people floating in this boat along with me, but I can help continue the conversation by talking about it. Because for me, thinking out loud is a way of leaning in to find balance and maybe someday, to have it all.

Who run the world?

Preach!

Did you know that today is International Women's Day? Throughout the world, celebrations range from remembering general sentiments (commitments to respect, appreciation and love towards women) to acknowledging more tangible accomplishments (women's economic, political and social achievements). Observed for the first time in 1909 (following a declaration by the Socialist Party of America) in the western world, International Women's Day became a more well-known popular event in 1977 when the UN General Assembly invited member states to proclaim March 8 as the UN Day for women's rights and world peace. (Thanks Wiki!)

Now you're probably thinking "this shizz is right up Meri's alley" she's all "I want it all" (HERE) and "celebrate my accomplishments" (HERE) but something about International Women's Day just sorta irks me. I admit, women often travel a tougher road than men and far too many women face brutal discrimination and a complete lack of basic human rights; extra attention needs to be paid for sure, but is elevating women's problems over general societal inequalities really the answer? Maybe, but I'm not completely sold. I believe that if we focused on equality as a general concept, women would find allies among other disenfranchised groups and we could elevate the rights of all instead of just the rights of "she". Studies have proven that supporting women (via education, financial assistance and basic medical care) often lifts a community as a whole better than providing that same support to men, so maybe instead of a day that focuses on women as group in need, we can work towards a global culture that recognizes women as a most powerful tool. Intelligent, capable and caring individuals with as much ability to impact positive change on the world as anybody else. So whether it's "our" day or any other day... go get em girls!

And on a completely unrelated note...

Yesterday's snowstorm finally decided to make an appearance. Way to go weather(wo)man. Happy Weekend!!

Fishergirl vs. Fisherman

Fishergirl.

Yesterday I was out fishing (yup, and I even bait my own hook!) with my parents, Dr. H and a friend of my Dad's. As my mom and I chatted about everything from "so and so's wedding" to the brilliance of THIS Greek dip, the gentlemen of our party couldn't help but joke about the differences between our genders. My Dad, often known to enjoy all day fishing excursions will come home after 4+ hours at sea with friends and say he had a great day. But when you ask what the group talked about, the answer is usually "nothing". "You don't know how his wife is doing or how their vacation to Europe was?" "Nope, it didn't come up." Hours together on a boat can spark no greater conversation than "will you pass me a soda?" "Sure." and "Thanks." It seems that men have an uncanny ability to sit in absolute silence for hours on end, enjoying one another's company while women would consider a day without conversation to be an indication that something is terribly wrong. 

While I can certainly appreciate a relationship so deep that there's no need for small talk, much of what I enjoy about time with girl friends is catching up and chatting about whatever random topics come to mind. Our male counterparts however, mysteriously create closeness in total silence, their mere mutual presence in a location being enough to make the day great.  It's crazy how different we can be. So you men go off and enjoy your silence, I'll stay here with the ladies and talk about how you all never seem to have anything you want to talk about. 

I want it all.

I cannot stop thinking about THIS ARTICLE that I read yesterday in The Atlantic. As I sat at my desk, letting my lunch get cold and my head cloud over with (worry/ sadness/ connection?) I was overwhelmed by Anne-Marie Slaughter’s words. “Finally!” I thought, “a woman admitting that women can’t have everything, women don’t always want to have everything and whatever it is she wants, we need to work for a world which supports her decision.” (The author says this and so much more with eloquence I cannot even pretend to possess. The article is long, but a very worthwhile read).

As I’ve mentioned before, I spend a lot of time angst-ing (I can’t help it, I’m an angst-er) about pursuit of a fulfilling career and family life. Dr. H and I recently found ourselves falling asleep at the dinner table, in a restaurant, at 10pm, on a weeknight (there is so much wrong with that picture) because I INSISTED on spending a meal together that didn’t involve an open laptop, television or couch. Even without children (or the dog I so desperately desire:) at times I feel the balance is already slipping. And I have also noticed, as I develop my professional self, that the work world doesn’t have much interest in the “loves to cook/craft/write” Merry Meri that is ultimately the truest reflection of who I believe I am. Just because I love my hobbies doesn’t mean I don’t love to work; just because I dream of many babies doesn’t mean I’m not going to have a kickass career… sometimes it just feels like the world isn’t ready for a lady who gets to pursue all of those things, however she chooses. To quote Slaughter, “last I checked, he [Thomas Jefferson] did not declare American independence in the name of life, liberty, and professional success. Let us rediscover the pursuit of happiness, and let us start at home.”

Holy whoa, that was hefty shizz for a Friday wasn’t it!? How can I make it up to you..?

A witty joke?

A totally rad sea lion?

Whatevs yo, I'm OUT!

A girl power moment

Have you ever heard a news broadcaster ask a male politician if he’s had cosmetic surgery? When was the last time a powerful male executive was asked how he balances work and fatherhood? If a young male public figure gains some weight, it must be because he’s pregnant! How come the media dialogue is so different when it comes to high profile women vs. men?

The issues of women’s rights and gender norms are important to me and I’ve had “feminist tendencies” for as long as I can remember. I dream of a time when the opportunities, success and equality of my gender are no longer topics of concern.

For me, a key problem with the women’s “equality dialog,” is that many want recognition for their woman-hood. They want an extra round of applause (an entire gendered history month!) to celebrate overcoming the obstacle of being born female. I think this is the wrong approach. While women should network to encourage, foster and support the success of other women (because significant gender-related obstacles do exist) what our end-goal should be is to be treated like “one of the boys”. For me, a successful women’s movement would be one where being a woman who accomplished something is impressive for the accomplishment itself, not because a woman managed to succeed where no woman has before.

How do we get the media to be less gendered? Do you have habits which you could change for the benefit of greater equality? If this topic interests you at all, this is worth watching and this is worth reading.

Image Via Pinterest