I Have a Dream (Bathroom Ed.)

Dare to Dream.

... I have a dream, that some day, I will not be limited to one bathroom in my home. I have a dream that my sink will be separate from my husband's sink and that my mirror shall no longer be spattered with water from his post-shower hair-preening. I have a dream that washing my face will no longer involve standing in a puddle created by someone else who washed their face first. I have a dream of a home with two toilets... a home where my bedtime routine is not delayed for twenty minutes by a husband taking his evening constitutional or endured side by side with his stench. I have a dream of his and hers medicine cabinets, loaded with products, existing together in harmony.

And when this happens, when we allow our home to expand and accommodate the needs of two bathroom users, side by side, in all their individual neat-freak and slovenly glory, the tiles and mirrors and bathmats shall rejoice with me and say "free at last, free at last, Thank God almighty we are free at last!!" 

Ed. Note: This dream may not exactly be on the level of Dr. Martin Luther King (hope you enjoyed his day yesterday!) but it is nevertheless being dreamt.

Hump Day Distractions

My milkshake brings all the...

Here we are, just chugging along somewhere between Monday and Friday, am I right? I've got a most-favorite ladies trip to Atlantic City comin' in hot this weekend, so I'm pretty much just staring at the clock waiting to hit the road. Here to help us all pass the time are some delightful distractions of the internet variety. Happy clicking!

* THIS seems to confirm that the dudes in Mumford and Sons are pretty awesome...

* When uber-geek meets uber-rich, this wedding is what happens (be sure to click the link to see the photo slideshow!)

* A simple and adorable way to cheer up your votive candles for a party.

* A devoted four legged friend will go with you anywhere, even the bathroom?

* Dr. H... the war of the beard wages on (am I winning!?)

* Mother's occupation? Princess of the United Kingdom of course.

* SF to NY in under 1 hour. Do you think THIS really could happen? (via CapitalHillStyle)

* Creamy Caprese Quinoa Bake, since you folks can't get enough of these quinoa recipes (on Pinterest HERE)

* Some pretty fantastic advice on turning 30 from Olivia Wilde.

* THESE photos will blow ya mind.

* A totally awesome panhandler prank (for anyone who has ever rode public transportation).

My door is always open...

The door is open...

Today I'd like to have an extremely high brow conversation with you (she said sarcastically). Today we are takin it (back) to the bathroom, which is easier for some than others, because some of us leave the door wide open. You see, I come from a long line of door-open potty users and though I get that bathroom business is "private business" in the comfort of my home I just don't feel there's anything to hide! While I know not everyone shares my "pee freely" mentality, I recently discovered that people are staunchly divided on this topic and some actually find the prospect of using the bathroom without complete privacy appalling, especially when it comes to significant others (read more HERE). One commentor writes: "...Door closed, faucet on. Number two preferably when he's not home." Door closed, faucet on!?! Have you ever thought about your environmental impact lady!? (And maybe you need to read THIS literary classic?)

On my first day of college, I knew my roommate and I could be bff's when she walked into the bathroom, left the door ajar and continued our conversation (maintaining eye contact of course) throughout her time on the toilet. There I was, my first time living on my own, relieved (ha!) to discover that my home's bathroom door policy was a-ok. I guess some of us are comfortable leaving it all out in the open while others could never... There are two camps of bathroom users in this world and a firmly closed door stands between us.

Sit the F down.

Have a seat. Make yourself comfortable!

Ladies! It is time for a change. After decades (centuries!?) of helicopter hovering above the toilet seats of the world, here and now I am declaring an end to the potty-squat. It's about time that we all sit the F down!! While giving my quads a workout at a gas station commode somewhere in the heart of Alabama this past weekend (so much wrong with that sentence), I realized the absolute absurdity of the fact that we women feel the need to avoid putting our precious tushies on foreign toilets. You know WHY public toilets are so nasty? Because we're all squatting and missing and spraying all over the damn place!!! It's gross, but you KNOW it's true. Even girls with the best aim and upper leg strength are guilty of missing the mark and leaving a bigger mess than what she came into at least once or twice. If we all agreed to sit down, there would be way less mess and those still feeling a bit icky could build a nice TP foundation (or use those handy seat covers) as an added layer of protection. Everybody wins.

I concede one obstacle in my war on squatting, the tornado toilet (whose flush has such velocity that it sends a grotesque spray of the toilet's contents all over the freaking place), but other than that, this is a completely attainable restroom revolution. It is time to take a seat ladies... who's with me?!

A stinky situation.

Where is a clothes pin when ya need one?

Warning: I'm about to get a bit un-ladylike up in here so if you can't handle a bit of "bathroom talk", time to make a swift exit. 

Still reading? Well, welcome to my stinky space where I need to "air out" my feelings about the public faux pas (x 1,000,000) that I've encountered not once, but twice in the past 10 days... farting in elevators. When you live and work in NYC, elevators are a part of daily life and though we don't usually discuss it, so are farts (books like THIS don't lie). However throwing a fart in an elevator, when there are other riders on board, has got to be one of the worst public offenses around (right up there with spitting gum on the sidewalk). Everyone is in this tiny space all "whooooa that stinks" and trying not to cringe (or laugh, because no matter how old you get, farts are pretty funny) and wondering "did you really have to fart so bad that you couldn't wait 20 seconds?" I mean what's the longest elevator ride you've ever taken? Short of a gastrointestinal emergency (I am willing to concede, they happen) I'm thinking that your emissions can wait to be released until you are in a less confined air space.

HOLY WOW MID-POST REVELATION: As I'm proof-reading this post out loud Dr. H chimes in "sometimes I fart in elevators. I do it on purpose. I want to see people squirm."

I'm speechless.