Sit the F down.

Have a seat. Make yourself comfortable!

Ladies! It is time for a change. After decades (centuries!?) of helicopter hovering above the toilet seats of the world, here and now I am declaring an end to the potty-squat. It's about time that we all sit the F down!! While giving my quads a workout at a gas station commode somewhere in the heart of Alabama this past weekend (so much wrong with that sentence), I realized the absolute absurdity of the fact that we women feel the need to avoid putting our precious tushies on foreign toilets. You know WHY public toilets are so nasty? Because we're all squatting and missing and spraying all over the damn place!!! It's gross, but you KNOW it's true. Even girls with the best aim and upper leg strength are guilty of missing the mark and leaving a bigger mess than what she came into at least once or twice. If we all agreed to sit down, there would be way less mess and those still feeling a bit icky could build a nice TP foundation (or use those handy seat covers) as an added layer of protection. Everybody wins.

I concede one obstacle in my war on squatting, the tornado toilet (whose flush has such velocity that it sends a grotesque spray of the toilet's contents all over the freaking place), but other than that, this is a completely attainable restroom revolution. It is time to take a seat ladies... who's with me?!