What Happened.

you, me, anyone with the American dream.

We don't usually chat about politics here, but I think it would be leaving a gapping hole in this cozy corner of the internet if I didn't write something about the current state of our country. Maybe selfishly I just need to write-it-out to try to feel better. Whatever the reason, I need to talk about What Happened.

Last November, I marched a 36 weeks pregnant, "Love Trumps Hate" clad belly into my local polling place and voted for a vision of our future which made me feel so buoyant and bright that when it did not come to fruition, in the wee hours of the following morning, I sat on the couch and cried. I cried for the little girl who dreamed of becoming the first woman president (yup), for the senate intern who ardently supported and admired candidate Clinton (MmHmm) and for the future mom who was going to bring a baby into a very different world than she'd envisioned. I felt crushed and baffled and scared, not only because my candidate had lost, but because America wasn't who I thought it was. My liberal, northeastern corner of the country had blinded me to a level of sexism, racism, chauvinism, anger and hatred that made my heart hurt. Who were these millions of people that believed in such a different vision for the future than me?

In the 11 months since Election Day, I've come to realize that being a woman, being Jewish, being a friend of minorities and immigrants and homosexuals and in favor of health care for all and the integrity of democracy mean something different than they did this time last year. I've watched free speech come under attack and nuclear war start to feel like a real possibility. It has taken over everything from the news to the football field, it's marching through the streets and across my social media feeds. It feels relentless. It's exhausting and scary.

I don't have any solutions, I don't know what we're supposed to do, but I know what I believe. I know that moments like this in history have called for action and activism not silence and sadness. So I will speak up. donate. stay educated. make phone calls. sign petitions. act in defense of my ideals. campaign. VOTE. This is where we are, but it is not where we will always be. I am ready for the fight. 

I have a boo boo.

It’s not a serious boo boo (thankfully) but it’s an ouchie one... I have a torn ACL and medial meniscus. It’s similar to what happened to THIS GUY and THIS GUY. Somebody send me to the Superbowl! It’s also the same thing that happened to ME when I was 15 years old. Somehow in the many years since my surgical repair (dancing, running marathons, wearing 3” high heels and hiking the Inka Trail?) I broke my “brand new knee”. Brand new no more...

Today I am having surgery to fix this bad boy, hopefully once and for all. Luckily, I get to come home the same day and let Dr. H nurse me back to health. Though it’s possible I’ll be MIA for a day or two, in all likelihood I’ll be bored out of my mind and blogging up something special for you. To be determined. In the meantime, wish me luck facing my illogical fear and I’ll see you on the other side.

Image via google

Why so scared?

Fear is a funny thing. Sometimes a fear can be easily explained, but other times we develop a fear which festers in our mind and gets worse without any explanation or support. Whether it be the dark, heights, public speaking or small spaces, the world is chock full of things to be “afraid” of. I for example, am terrified of hospitals. Despite the fact that beautiful miracles happen in hospitals every day, I am mildly panicked by everything about them and I have been for as long as I can remember.

Do you have an illogical fear? If so, how do you talk yourself through the moments when your fear must be faced? I think the only weapon is positive thinking (“this bridge is sturdy”, “the overwhelming majority of airplanes land safely”...) but when you’re scared, that doesn’t feel like a very mighty sword. It’s hard to stay merry when you’re feeling afraid!! Here’s to staying strong and being brave, even when fear is creeping in. Image via Pinterest