|Easier said than done!|
Today I am confessing, out loud and to all of you, that I am a fraud... I am not the Merry Meri that I seem. You see, when I got down to thinking about my new year's resolution, I wanted to go deeper than "lose weight" or "learn spanish" (neither of which were successful in 2014 might I add). I wanted to think about a piece of me I could really try to improve upon for my own mental health and wellness... so this year I resolve to stop being a fraud; I resolve to be more confident and at the same time more vulnerable, inside and out.
Being cheery, loud and proud is kind of my MO. I am Merry Meri with crazy ideas, a giving heart and boundless energy. I love that people see me this way and I love seeing myself as this person... but I've recently realized that defining yourself in any one way, picking a box you should "fit in", can be dangerous. It doesn't leave room for you to evolve or struggle without feeling like somehow you've failed, like you are not yourself and the person people expect you to be. This leaves you struggling on the inside and faking it on the outside and what does that accomplish? Nada. And it's exhausting. What I think we need is to be confident in whatever version of ourselves we're capable of being in a particular moment, and when that self is not your favorite you, be ok with it and with showing it. Allow people to see that you're not just 1 kind of person (and that that is a-ok!)
In 2015, I am going to start owning it on the inside and out. When I receive a compliment, I am going to try harder to take it to heart and allow it to fuel my confidence and quiet my self-doubt. When I'm feeling insecure or overwhelmed, I'm going to try not to hide it, but instead let the people around me who know me see that I need their support and uplifting. I'm going to stop letting my crazy mind think that this behavior is weakness or failure. It's not. It's human. Cheers to 2015 and allowing ourselves to be human!