Wednesday, August 12, 2015

1 Year Later

I am lucky.
One year ago today was the last day I worked as a lawyer at the only company I'd ever worked at. One year ago today I was terrified and exhilarated, standing at the precipice of a new career which would change my life in ways I wasn't even able to predict.

In the past year, I have experienced some unbelievable highs and some dark and scary lows. I gained a bunch of weight and shed a bunch of tears. I spent countless sleepless nights worrying that I was in over my head, that my relentless determination to succeed at work was letting down friends and family and that at any moment, I was going to fail. But you know what happened? I didn't fail. Sure, I made mistakes and I struggled with the lawlessness of working from home and I didn't accomplish all of my goals and so many other "didn'ts/couldn'ts/wish I'ds", but here I am... One year later... Alive... still in business... and as sure as ever that my decision to jump was the right one. 

I am still very much on an open-ended journey and I'd be lying if I said I was no longer afraid. I am. A low level of anxiety buzzes in the back of my mind with each new challenge or opportunity and I still worry daily that I'm somehow going to let down the many wonderful people who have entrusted me with their work... but I'm surviving. I might even be thriving. I'm leaning in as hard as I possibly can ( and I'm refusing to surrender even when I know new challenges lie ahead.

They say that everything gets easier with time and that no activity is as scary as the first time you try it. Here's hoping that that's true and that even if it isn't, I'll continue to have the courage to figure it out as I go!

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