Adults who scoot.

Dude. You're embarrassing yourself. 

This may turn out to be a controversial statement, but I'm going to make it anyway... Today, I am taking a firm, public stance against adults who scoot. That's right, I am anti-adults-on-scooters.

In NYC, scooters are a common mode of transportation for children, whose parents, I assume, need them to move along the sidewalk with more speed than their tiny legs can operate (add wheels and your 5 year old actually travels at a reasonable pace). While I have plenty of judgment I'd like to pass on the safety of this activity in a bustling city (for the kids and the people walking around these tiny terrorists on wheels...) I won't, because kids on scooters are at least a natural thing. But you know what's not natural? Adults on scooters. Adult men and women, often dressed professionals, scooting down the sidewalk en route to who knows where. To my scooting adult audience, please know this: you look RIDICULOUS. Adults on scooters seems about as natural as an adult climbing into one of those baby bucket swings with the leg holes and trying to explain it away by saying that it allows them to swing higher. Is scooting faster than walking? Sure, but that doesn't mean there aren't some activities that should be left to the kiddos. 

If you are an adult who scoots, I apologize if I've offended you, but I think this was important to hear. As the saying goes, "if you're old enough to have(/touch) some hooters, you should not travel about on scooters."